My Little MMs, Maya and Michael, I set you free to be YOU, not Me
Growing up in an environment, in which, every breath that I took was filled with expectations of who I must become and what dreams I must let go of to get there, I felt the pressure around me and the sense of never being enough. I don't want to do that to you, my children.
Perhaps I will err in letting you be a little too free, a little too open minded, and slightly tinged with the flavor of rebellion, but I dare to tempt that risk as I know no other way. I must set you free to be you, not me. And how will I know who you are if all I know is who I am? I don't want to judge you based on my conditioning and my needs, my follies and my mistakes.
I will guide you, because I am your mother. I will teach you all I know, but one day I will look into your eyes and realize that you have something that I don't... and I will not judge you. I will not humiliate you. I will not be jealous of you. I will love you through it, be it either good or bad. Because one thing that I know for sure is that I was made to love you. When I don't know what else to do, I will love you. I will continue to love you even when you hurt my feelings, even when you crush an expectation or two.
Nothing that you do will ever change the way I feel. It is simply because you are mine and forever you will be. My children.
I've said all of the above, a kaleidoscope of hopeful words, just to truly say this; You are free to express yourselves and be the version that God created you to be as long as you are true to the Creator's design, and believe me, there you will find perfect freedom. Limitless freedom. Don't listen to the ones that say you are limited within your beliefs because that's the only way they comfort themselves within the space they inhabit.
If only I listened to God's calling and His instructions when I was younger. Life would've been far more adventurous, far more exciting than the picture I was constantly presented with, a picture full of fear and lowest expectations. Once you discover God's intentions towards you, you will never be filled with a gaping hole that many young people fill up with darkness and layers of regret.
If you want to paint for a living, go for it. If you want to write, please do. If you want to play a sport, go ahead! If you want to sing, I will support you. Dance? I will dance with you. Whatever it takes to polish up your diamond in the rough, I will. I will do it all.
I will discover new worlds with you. Just so that I could be close to you. So I could truly love you as you. I don't need you to be me. There is enough of me for this planet. We must be true to who we really are- children of God, filled with the joy of possibilities that are endless. Forever endless.
And while I love on you, and look upon you with pride, remember that the way I feel is simply because you are mine. So, I give you the freedom to be you. I only ask in return that you give me enough grace and enough hugs along this priceless journey. I wouldn't have it any other way. You bring out the best parts of myself.
The mama part-the influencer of this world. No one can take that away from me.
The little girl part-redemption time for me to be myself. Better late than never.
The ever joyous and hopeful parts.
I will always believe in you even if I don't understand you.
You are my children and I set you free to be you, not me.